Right Where I Belong
by lily anson
Summary: Sam isn't sure why Crowley doesn't want to be the top. Crowley gets 'demon'-napped and no one can find him. Can Sam find Crowley before something too bad happens to him? When one of Crowley's subjects commits an unforgivable offense can Crowley forgive them or will he lose his most loyal subject?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is slash (m/m) Please don't read if you don't like it. This is the fourth story in my Mooseley series. The first is How To Save A Life. The second is Away From The Sun. The third is Your Arms Feel Like Home. Read warnings on them if you choose to read them, please.

This story contains a fairly descriptive sex scene in it. As such I have made the scene its own chapter. The scene is chapter one. If you wish to skip this, please continue to chapter 2. Thank you.  
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Warnings:** Adult Situations, Torture - Mentioned, Dark Themes, M/M, First Time, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Language - Strong, Relationship - Established, Sexual Relationship - Consensual, Supernatural - Possession  
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Spoilers:** No spoilers for this story if you only read it. If you go back to read the others then read for spoilers on them.

Please R&R  
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* * *

As Crowley took his mouth Sam kissed the demon back. Truthfully his mind wasn't really into it this time. In all the times they had been together it had always been him topping Crowley. Crowley had never once shown the slightest interest in topping him. Sam's mind was busy over-thinking the reasons why Crowley wouldn't want to be in him. He wasn't stupid, he knew he was an over-thinker, he just couldn't stop himself.

"Moose?"

And that was another thing. Crowley had stopped calling him Moose anywhere outside of the bedroom. Truthfully Sam missed the nickname. He just couldn't put his feelings into words yet. He always analyzed everything before he talked about it.

"Is something wrong?"

"Why don't you want to top me," Sam blurted out suddenly.

Crowley blinked several times. "Um… What?"

"In all the times we've been together you've never shown the slightest interest of being the top in this. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I mean, is there something I can do to make you want to be in me or…" Sam ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it!" This was why he thought everything through thoroughly.

"Oh Sam," Crowley whispered. "I'm sorry."

Sam frowned. "Sorry?"

"I didn't realize you were feeling that way. I told you from the beginning that everything we did was your choice. I figured if you wanted to bottom you would have told me. I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough."

"Wait." Sam propped himself up on his elbows. "You were just waiting for me to ask?"

"Yes."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

Crowley sighed and lay back against the bed staring at the ceiling. "I love you Sam. I told you, 'we do what you want, how you want, when you want to do it'. I didn't mean just that once. I meant every time. It's my fault. I wasn't clear enough. Gods Sam do you know how long I've wanted you that way?"

Sam blushed, he couldn't help it. "So…"

Crowley turned to face him. "Is that what you want tonight?"

Sam hesitated. As much as it bothered him that Crowley was always the bottom he wasn't sure if he was ready to try it. Honestly the thought still made him nervous.

"Some other time, then. I'm just happy I can be with you anyway I can have you."

"No," Sam insisted. "Tonight."

"You're not ready."

"Excuse you?"

"I mean you're having doubts, Sam, that's all."

"Of course I'm having doubts Crowley. I've never done it before. I'm going to keep having doubts until I actually do it."

"I will never push you Sam."

"You're not, I just need to do this."

Crowley frowned.

"What," Sam asked.

"Why do you 'need' to do this?"

Sam sought for a good answer.

"If you're pushing yourself because you think I want you to do this then don't. I don't ever want you to feel pressured."

"I'm not pushing myself because of that. I just… I need to do this some time and I trust you."

"It doesn't have to be right now."

"I don't know if I'll have the nerve later."

"Then we should wait. If you're not sure-"

"No! Tonight. I need this."

"As you wish, my love."

Crowley propped himself up on one elbow and leaned in to kiss Sam gently. Moving slowly Crowley straddled him and finally broke the kiss. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can say stop any time you want?"

"I don't want to. I want this."

Crowley kissed him gently again. "For now you do. If you change your mind I want you to know you can stop this at _any_ time."

Sam nodded. "Understood."

" _Any_ time."

"Yes, said I understood."

"Good. Now lay back and let me take care of you."

Sam shifted his arms so that he was no longer propped up on his elbows. For the longest time all Crowley did was kiss him and run his hands over Sam's arms and chest. Sam was almost ready to shove the demon off of him when Crowley nipped his earlobe and sucked on it. Sam arched in pleasure. His nervousness was slowly starting to ease. Crowley's hand moved down to play with his cock and Sam groaned.

"God yes," Sam moaned as his eyes slid shut.

"So beautiful," Crowley whispered. "Mine."

"All yours," Sam moaned back.

Crowley released Sam's earlobe and swirled his tongue over it. Moving down Crowley nipped at Sam's neck until he reached the junction where his neck branched into his shoulder. Biting lightly Crowley sucked at the skin while running his tongue across it. Damn, that felt good. Slowly Crowley increased the pressure of the bite. When the pressure became too much Sam tensed and Crowley released the skin.

"Shh love. Testing the pressure is all."

Sam nodded.

"More," Crowley asked.

"More," Sam agreed.

Licking over the skin from his previous bite Crowley moved to the other side of Sam's neck and nipped the skin several times. Each time Sam tensed anticipating a bite that never came. Tilting his head upwards Crowley sucked on Sam's right earlobe grazing his teeth across it, and occasionally his tongue. Sam let himself relax into Crowley's careful ministrations once again. After several minutes Crowley moved to kiss him again.

Moving lower Crowley licked at the hollow in the base of Sam's neck. Dragging his tongue downward Crowley made his way to Sam's left nipple. As the demon sucked on the nipple Sam began to shift. His need was growing faster and faster. Crowley released Sam's left nipple and Sam groaned in annoyance. When Crowley descended on his right nipple Sam's hips bucked upward against the demon involuntarily.

"Mmm," Crowley moaned. "That's my Moose."

"God, Crowley."

"Demon," Crowley reminded him playfully.

Sam lifted his right hand and smacked the demon's ass.

"You know what I meant."

Crowley merely chuckled and released his nipple. Running his hands over Sam's chest Crowley made his way lower. Placing light kisses all the way down Crowley made his way to Sam's groin. Sam tensed as Crowley lowered his head once again. Instead of touching his cock Crowley placed light kisses on the inside of Sam's left thigh.

The intimate gesture still made Sam nervous but eventually he found himself relaxing into the kisses. Crowley switched to the right thigh treating it every bit as reverently as every other part of Sam's body he had touched. Sam found himself becoming less and less self conscious about having another man between his legs. Moving back upward Crowley gripped Sam's left shoulder and tugged lightly.

"Turn for me, Sam," Crowley whispered.

Sam turned over and instantly became more self conscious. He was naked, exposed and unable to see what was coming or defend himself in this position. It made him extremely antsy.

"Shh, my love. You're safe."

Reaching up Crowley massaged Sam's shoulder muscles.

"I will never hurt you. You're safe, my love."

"Mmm, feels good."

"I'm glad," Crowley answered.

Crowley continued the massage down Sam's back, pausing every so often to work on a specific group of muscles. Slowly he made his way down to Sam's hips. Crowley began to lightly massage Sam's ass

and Sam tensed once more.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

Crowley's hands moved to massage the underside of his ass cheeks.

"I love you."

"Love you too," Sam murmured with his face pressed against the bed.

Crowley ran a finger lightly down the crack of Sam's ass. Sam stiffened slightly.

"Thank you for everything."

"Welcome," Sam replied.

Crowley ran his finger down the crack a second time pressing slightly at his hole.

"We can stop any time you want."

"No," Sam stated adamantly.

Crowley ran his finger over Sam's hole once more with a touch more pressure.

"I would never hurt you."

"I know."

A finger pressed into his ass and Sam froze.

"Shh, love. Just relax and it'll be easier. Promise."

Sam tried but he couldn't force himself to relax.

"Sam?"

Sam whined slightly and Crowley withdrew the finger.

"No. I can do this."

Crowley began massaging Sam's lower back once again.

"I know you can. You're just too tense right now. You have to relax, okay?"

Sam nodded.

"You've got this. All you need to do is relax, okay?"

Sam nodded once more.

Slowly Crowley moved his hands down Sam's ass. Taking his right hand Crowley rubbed a finger against Sam's hole again. "It's just me Sam. I won't hurt you, you know that, right?"

Sam nodded once again fighting his muscles to keep them from tensing. When Crowley inserted the finger again his muscled locked. He couldn't help it.

"Shh, love. It's just me. You're safe, no one is going to hurt you."

"Crowley?"

"Yes?"

Sam clenched his jaw shut. He could do this. All he had to do was relax.

"I love you Moose," Crowley whispered.

For some reason the use of his nickname helped more than anything else. Sam took a deep breath and finally relaxed. It wasn't actually as bad as he had envisioned. It was… Sam searched for a way to describe how it felt. Odd, he finally decided. It felt odd.

"That's my Moose," Crowley whispered kissing Sam's lower back.

Slowly the finger started moving farther inward. As Sam began to tense once more as the finger began moving outward. Sam did his best to remain relaxed as Crowley continued moving the finger in and out, in and out slowly. Every so often Crowley would pull lightly against the side of his hole. He always returned to the slow in and outs before Sam could tense at the slight pulling feeling.

"Mmm," Sam hummed.

"Just like that, Moose. You're so beautiful."

"Mmm," Sam hummed again.

After a while Crowley added a second finger and Sam tensed up once more. Crowley didn't move the fingers immediately. Reaching up he ran a hand over over Sam's back whispering to him. After some time Sam finally relaxed. Finally Crowley began moving the fingers. Sam tried to analyze how this felt. Not much different then with one finger. Just slightly more pressure is all, he decided.

"There's a good Moose," Crowley whispered still rubbing Sam's back with his other hand. "Mine?"

"Yours," Sam agreed.

As Crowley moved the fingers in and out he began scissoring them open and closed. Sam lowered his brows as he focused on just the feeling. Definitely not as bad as he had anticipated. The relief that maybe this might not be that bad helped relax him further. Surprisingly this was actually nicer than he had thought it would be.

"Sam?"

"Moose," Sam muttered against the mattress.

"Moose," Crowley stated affectionately. "I'm going to add a third finger. Okay?"

"Mmm."

"I'd like a more definitive answer, please."

"Mmm, 'k," Sam murmured.

"Is that a yes?"

"Mmm."

Crowley continued massaging Sam's lower back with his left hand as he added the third finger. Sam didn't tense up half as much as he had with the others.

"Mmm, feels good," he muttered.

"Glad," Crowley told him. "It'll feel even better soon."

Sam hummed once more and continued focusing on the feeling of Crowley's fingers inside of him.

"That's my good Moose," Crowley murmured.

As the fingers moved in and out slowly Sam found himself pressing back against them slightly. Every so often Crowley would spread them apart as he moved them. The pressure from the fingers was actually becoming enjoyable. Sam hummed again as he rocked back onto the fingers once more.

"Yes, just like that Moose."

"Mmm, mine."

"All yours, love," Crowley answered. "Always."

Crowley began humming softly as he continued to finger him. Sam began to relax more and more. After a while he couldn't remember why he'd been so nervous about this. This was definitely better than he had ever anticipated.

"Crowley?"

Crowley froze.

"Love you," Sam muttered against the mattress.

The fingers started moving again. "Love you too, Sam. Sam?"

"Hm?"

"Are you ready for this?"

"Bit late to ask that," Sam answered still rocking against Crowley's fingers.

"Not this part, love. Are you ready for me?"

"Mmm."

"I need a yes or no, Sam."

"Don't want you to take the fingers out."

Crowley chuckled. "We can keep doing this if you like. Whatever you wish."

"I want you," Sam moaned.

As the fingers were removed Sam let out a soft whine.

"Shh, love," Crowley soothed. "Soon, I promise."

Crowley tugged upward on Sam's hips and Sam raised them. Shoving a pillow underneath him Crowley lightly pressed Sam's hips down onto the pillow. Placing one hand on either side of his ass Crowley spread him open carefully. When he felt Crowley's cock pressing into his hole he had to fight not to tense up again. Sam focussed all of his thoughts on how good the fingers had felt. Despite his best efforts the second the head of Crowley's cock breached him Sam's muscles locked up again.

"Shh, love. You're doing fine. We're just going to wait right now. Relax Sam, just relax."

"No more right now. Please?"

"No more," Crowley agreed. "We're going to stay like just this and wait until you get more used to the feeling. That's all."

Sam nodded unable to speak.

"Sam?"

"Moose," Sam whispered.

"Moose," Crowley agreed. "My beautiful, beautiful Moose. I love you so much." Crowley ran a hand down Sam's back over and over again.

Sam's muscles finally began to relax against the intrusion. It was still slightly painful but not that bad anymore. Sam took several deep breaths.

"Crowley?"

"Moose?"

"I think I'm good now."

"You think?"

"Move? Please?"

"As you wish, my love."

Crowley pressed into him a little farther before pulling back slightly. Carefully Crowley eased himself in and out; forward slightly and back again over and over. Finally Sam was beginning to get used to the movement and the light burn. Maybe he really could do this.

"More," Sam asked.

"You sure?"

Sam nodded.

"I need a yes or no, please."

"Yes. More."

Crowley pressed in slightly farther and held himself there.

"God, Sam. So fucking tight."

"Move?"

"Gods, give me a second," Crowley muttered. "I'm about to embarrass myself here."

Sam smiled. He had been worried he wouldn't be good enough for Crowley because he was too inexperienced. The fact that Crowley was having problems not getting off too soon this early made Sam ridiculously happy. Unable to help it Sam snickered.

"Damn it, Sam," Crowley growled panting.

"Mmm sorry."

Grabbing onto Sam's hips Crowley began moving again. The movements were still slow but each one moved farther and farther forward. Each time Crowley entered him farther Sam wasn't sure if he would be able to take any more inside. Finally he felt Crowley's hips against his own. Crowley pulled back on Sam's hips while pressing his own hips forward.

"Damn it, Sam," Crowley growled. "You're so fucking tight."

"Love you," Sam groaned into the mattress. When Crowley didn't show any signs of moving Sam looked back over his shoulder.

"Crowley?"

"Give me a minute Moose," Crowley panted. "Fuck, you feel amazing."

Smiling Sam laid back down and waited. Finally Crowley began moving again. Each movement was slow and controlled. Before long Sam was rocking back onto Crowley's cock just has he been with Crowley's fingers earlier.

"Faster," Sam moaned.

Crowley sped up slightly.

"Sam?"

"Hmmm," Sam moaned in response.

"I'm going to pull out okay?"

"No," Sam gasped struggling to turn his head to face Crowley.

"Just... just long enough… for you to… flip over."

"Flip over?"

"Yes. When you come… I want to… see."

"'K," Sam acknowledged.

Crowley pulled out suddenly and strong hands gripped Sam's shoulders. Crowley flipped Sam so he was on his back with his ass propped over the pillow. Carefully Crowley slid back inside of Sam. There was only a brief pause this time before Crowley continued moving.

"Damn it Sam, so fucking tight."

"Harder, Crowley."

"As you wish… my love."

As Crowley sped up Sam panted with need. Who knew it would feel this good? Reaching up he grabbed Crowley's shoulders and dragged the demon down against him. Just as Crowley's body covered his own Sam felt something similar to lightning shoot through him. Groaning loudly he arched upward against Crowley's body.

"Like that… did you," Crowley asked, panting heavily with exertion.

Sam moaned loudly, completely incapable of speech. Crowley slammed into him again hitting the same spot and Sam arched his back off the bed once more. He realized he was going to come soon. Looking up he met Crowley's eyes, intent on warning him. Beautiful dark blue eyes glittered back at him and, before he could warn his demon, Sam was coming.

* * *

Crowley stared at Sam as the hunter's eyes opened. Sam's mouth opened like he was about to say something. Desperately trying to hold his back own orgasm Crowley struggled trying to focus on what Sam was about to say. Instead of speaking Sam's hole instantly tightened on his cock and Crowley let out a loud moan. Gods, his Moose felt amazing. So tight. So hot. It was too much for him to hold himself back any longer.

Crowley's hips shot forward and stuttered as he came. Crowley struggled to keep his eyes open. He _needed_ to see Sam's face. _Needed_ to watch his Moose coming apart underneath him. Crowley's hips rocked slightly several times as his body's instincts took over. Sam lying below him, moaning with his head thrown back in pleasure, was a beautiful sight. Crowley desperately tried to commit this image to memory as his brain was trying to short circuit.

"God, Crowley," Sam moaned.

Crowley could only respond with an undignified groan as he finished riding out his orgasm.

"Crowley?"

Crowley's arms shook with the effort of keeping himself upright. He couldn't collapse on top of his hunter. "S-Sam," Crowley stuttered.

Sam frowned. "You're shaking."

"Arms," Crowley replied. His brain was too fried for more than the most simplistic of answers. Instantly Sam's hands were on his shoulders helping to hold him upright.

"Lay down. I need to feel you against me."

Crowley did his best to shove himself sideways before dropping onto the bed. Twisting he scooted over to curl up around Sam and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. Flinging one arm across Sam's chest Crowley sighed in absolute contentment.

"Love you," Crowley muttered against Sam's chest.

"Love you too," Sam answered.

Sam's hand reached up and stroked his hair. Crowley relaxed into the touch momentarily before he realized he needed to check on Sam. This was Sam's first time. He _had to_ make sure Sam was alright. Shifting he managed lift his head enough to see Sam's face.

"'Kay?"

"Hm?"

"'Kay? You?"

"I'm better than okay, Crowley. Now rest."

Crowley nodded once and dropped his head back onto Sam's shoulder.

"Clean," Crowley asked.

"Clean what?"

"You?"

"I can't get up right now," Sam stated.

"With powers," Crowley answered with a yawn.

There was a brief pause.

"Not just yet," Sam answered putting an arm around him.

Crowley nodded.

"Crowley?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Welcome Moose."

"Crowley?"

"Hm?"

"Why did you stop calling me Moose outside of the bedroom?"

"Don't want anyone else calling you that." Crowley snuggled against Sam. "My Moose."

Crowley yawned again. As a demon he didn't need to sleep. The bond with Sam allowed him to maintain access to the humanity he had gained during the trials. If he chose he could let the human side take over sometimes. He almost always chose to when he was with Sam.

"Can you start calling me that again. Sometimes?"

"Moose?"

"Yeah."

Crowley craned his neck to look up at Sam. "It bothers you that I don't call you that in front of others?"

"Yes. I don't know why. It's just, I got used to it and then you stopped using it."

"It's a nickname Sam. When I first used it I was trying to be insulting."

"When you use it now all I hear is how much you love me."

Crowley blinked several times. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Reaching up Crowley put a hand on Sam's cheek. "Anything you want, love."

"If you clean me with your powers you don't have to…"

"I don't have to what?"

"You don't have to take everything away do you?"

"You mean the… feeling?"

"Yeah."

Crowley grinned. "No, Moose. I can leave that if you like."

"I'd like that."

"As you wish, my love."

Reaching up with one hand Crowley snapped them both clean.

"Sleep now," Sam asked.

Crowley yawned as he stretched. Finally he settled back against Sam and snuggled in until he was comfortable. His Moose. Crowley smiled at the thought.

"Mmm sleep," Crowley agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

God, he was sore. Still, he was grateful he had asked Crowley not to heal that part of their encounter. Crowley was still sleeping and Sam didn't want to wake up the demon. More often than not Crowley was plagued by nightmares when he slept. Since he wasn't having one right now Sam wanted to make sure Crowley got as much sleep as he could. Gingerly he made his way down the hall and to the bathroom.

Turning the water on Sam adjusted the temperature until it was comfortable. Removing his clothes he entered the shower and stood under the spray. The hot water felt amazing on his sore muscles. For a while all he could do was revel in the heat of the water. Finally he grabbed his shampoo and poured some into his hand. Replacing the bottle Sam brought his hand up, but instead of rubbing it into his hair he inhaled the scent.

He had never paid any attention to how his shampoo smelled before but Crowley seemed to like the scent. Being a creature of habit Sam had just used the same type of shampoo over and over without any thought. Smiling Sam brought his hands up and rubbed the shampoo into his hair. As he showered he thought about the night's events.

He hadn't expected to change roles last night but he was glad it had happened. He had been apprehensive about switching roles since the beginning. Shaking his head Sam realized he should have known better. It had been difficult to actually stop pushing himself and let Crowley take control but it had been amazing. He should have known Crowley wouldn't ever do anything to hurt him.

* * *

Rolling over Crowley reached out and felt for Sam. Only finding cold sheets Crowley frowned and opened his eyes. Sam was nowhere to be found. Turning, Crowley inspected the room. Still no Sam. Sitting up Crowley was wracked with doubts. Maybe he had been too rough for Sam. Maybe Sam hadn't enjoyed it as much as Crowley had thought.

Crowley got out of the bed and searched for his clothes. Grabbing his pants he didn't bother with putting on anything else. He had to find Sam. Opening the door to the bedroom Crowley hesitated. What if he _had_ hurt Sam? Would Sam want to see him? Maybe he should leave instead? Before he could contemplate it too much the door at the end of the hall opened and Sam stepped out of the bathroom. Crowley could only stare at the sight of Sam wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

* * *

"Crowley?"

"Moose," Crowley whispered.

Sam walked forward and stood in front of Crowley. Something was wrong. "What's up baby," Sam asked.

"I… You… I… I wasn't too rough was I," Crowley blurted out.

Sam frowned. "Of course not. I would have told you. Crowley?"

"Don't be mad," Crowley whispered.

"Why would…" Sam trailed off and soon ignored words in favor of actions. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around Crowley. "No, baby, you weren't too rough. Everything's fine, baby. Promise."

"Really?"

"Yes. You know I love you?"

Crowley nodded his head.

"I would have told you, baby. Okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise I will tell you if you are ever too rough. Okay?."

Crowley nodded. Sam held Crowley not quite understanding where all of this was coming from. All he knew was Crowley was upset. Running his hand down Crowley's back Sam did his best to soothe the demon. "Shh. I love you. Everything's fine, baby. Hey?"

Crowley looked up and Sam placed a hand under his chin. "Breakfast?"

Crowley nodded.

Sam grabbed Crowley's hand and waited. When the demon finally looked more comfortable he finally led them back to their room. Shutting the door Sam walked over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans. Tugging them on he buttoned and zipped them before turning back to Crowley.

"Crowley?"

Crowley fidgeted.

"Crowley," Sam stated flatly.

"I can't help it. I'm not good enough for you. I keep worrying you'll find someone better."

Sam's heart broke for the demon. No one should feel that alone. Crossing the distance he wrapped his arms around Crowley once more. Holding the demon Sam rubbed Crowley's back and did what he could to assure him that he wasn't going to leave.

"Shh, baby. I'm here, I'm not leaving."

"Love you," Crowley whimpered.

"I know, baby, I know. Tell me what you need."

"You, just you, Sam."

"Moose," Sam corrected.

"Just you Moose," Crowley whimpered.

"Did… Was it me? Did I do something to make you feel this way?"

Crowley shook his head and tightened his grip on Sam.

"Shh, baby. It's alright. I'm here."

"I love your, S- Moose."

"Shh. Love your too, Crowley. How do I fix this baby?"

"Can't," Crowley whined.

"Then break for me. Break down, Crowley, it'll be alright. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you."

Crowley broke down clinging to Sam and Sam tried his best to soothe him. There wasn't much he could do without knowing what was wrong but he tried his best. Even if he didn't know precisely what was wrong he _did_ understand Crowley's doubts. That witch of a mother had done everything she could to break him down. Because of her Crowley wasn't able to accept that anyone could ever truly love him. Sam felt his anger at her growing and fought to suppress it. Being angry right now would only hurt Crowley more.

"Shh, baby. I'm here. Everything's going to be alright."

* * *

Dean looked up as Sam and Crowley walked into the kitchen. They were running later than normal today and Dean wasn't if he wanted to know why. Crowley was being extremely quiet today. Usually the demon was annoyingly 'chipper' in the morning. Instead of being happy for the quiet demon Dean found himself worrying about him.

Pulling a chair out Crowley sat down and stared at the plate in front of him. Dean glanced over to his brother and raised an eyebrow. Sam merely shook his head and sat down next to Crowley. Reaching over Sam covered one of Crowley's hands with his own. Dean ignored the strange attitude for now and continued eating his breakfast.

Throughout breakfast Crowley only picked at his food occasionally. Usually the demon enjoyed eating. Something was definitely wrong. When Dean finished eating he put his plate in the sink and sat back down at the table. Crowley looked up and eyed him carefully.

"Something you want to talk about," Dean asked.

Crowley shook his head and looked away.

"Dean," Sam said quietly.

"One second Sam, I need to say this. Crowley?"

Raising only his eyes Crowley looked up at Dean.

"It's always been my job to watch out for Sam ever since we were kids. There's never been anyone else I've ever trusted to watch out for him. You have to admit, Crowley, asking me to trust you with my brother's safety is asking a lot. Especially with your past."

Crowley's eyes slid closed and a pained look crossed his face.

"Dean," Sam warned.

"Hold on, Sam."

"For whatever reason, Sam loves you. I tried to talk him out of this but he's determined to be with you. I can't say that I completely trust you but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt sometimes. It's the best I can do for right now. Okay?"

Crowley nodded.

"One other thing. If you don't want to talk about whatever's going on, then fine. I respect that, but if you ever hurt him like you did last time I will track you down and gank you. Got it?"

Crowley nodded again.

"Good."

* * *

With Crowley ruling hell, and Sam and Dean still taking cases, it wasn't rare for extended periods of time to pass before they saw each other. Still, Crowley had never been gone this long before. Sam was beginning to worry. It had been over a month since he had last seen the demon. Closing his eyes Sam turned his thoughts to Crowley trying to 'feel' him.

They had spent months learning how the bond worked and practicing. They had discovered that if they were close enough they could hear each other's 'louder' thoughts. The farther away they were the less they got from each other, though they could almost always feel the other's emotions. At the moment he couldn't feel Crowley at all. Sam frowned.

Not being able to feel Crowley through the bond, in and of itself, wasn't abnormal. When Crowley was forced to do something he termed 'unpleasant' he would block Sam's access to the bond temporarily. Not being able to feel Crowley for over a week was extremely odd. Something was wrong. Sam stood and made his way down the hall to Dean's room. Knocking on the door he didn't wait for his brother to answer.

* * *

Groaning Crowley rolled his head to the side and opened his eyes. The holy water that had been splashed on his face earlier was dry, but the residue still stung his eyes. It was painful but not unbearable. The sharp iron spikes pinning his hands to the ground hurt more. His knees were bent so that his feet were flat on the floor and spikes pinned them to the floor as well.

Crowley blinked several times trying to clear his vision. Finding the bond still on lockdown he almost sighed in relief. If possible he would spare Sam as much pain as he could. After leaving the bunker Crowley had returned to hell. After much work he had managed to restore some of semblance of order. Petty matters of politics kept him from returning to the bunker for longer than he would have liked.

While he was attending to matters on the surface he had been summoned. The second he felt the summoning spell reach out to him Crowley's eyes widened in surprise. The summoning spell was specifically keyed to him. Unable to resist Crowley didn't waste his energy trying. He merely let the spell take him. When he arrived he found himself inside a devil's trap. Instantly he had shut down the bond with Sam. Three men armed with various weapons stood around the devil's trap watching him the second he had arrived.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
One Week Earlier.  
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 _"Something you boys need," Crowley drawled._

 _Without speaking the man with the shotgun shot him. Crowley cried out and dropped to a knee as the rock salt hit him. Damn that hurt. Wincing Crowley stood. Straightening he rolled his shoulders and composed his features. Fingering the holes in his suit he looked up and glared at the man that had shot him._

 _"I liked this suit," he growled._

 _"It's not your suit you should be worried about," the man replied._

 _Crowley jerked forward feinting like he was about to attack the man. The man flinched backward and Crowley grinned in satisfaction. The satisfaction lasted ten seconds before the man raised the gun and shot him second time. Damn it, Crowley cursed internally as he fell to a knee once more. Carefully he stood up again and glared._

 _The two men on either side of the one with the shotgun advanced. Crowley's eyes flicked back and forth between the two. In a devil's trap he wouldn't be able to use any of his demonic powers. Taking a step back Crowley tensed; readying himself for an attack. Both of the men advanced in unison. Usually he would be able to use his powers to defend himself. This time he wouldn't be able to use his powers._

 _Sizing the two up, Crowley determined the one on the left to be slightly slower. As the two advanced Crowley feinted right. When they jumped towards him he shifted his weight and moved left. The man reached out with a taser and just barely missed him. Circling around them Crowley started to back away to the edge of the devil's trap. When Shotgun Man advanced Crowley stopped moving and twisted so that he was able to keep an eye on him and the Taser Twins._

 _Unable to exit the devil's trap Crowley's options were limited. Three against one, in a devil's trap he couldn't leave, where he also couldn't use his powers wasn't good odds. The best he could hope for was to take at least one down with him. Grabbing the barrel of the shotgun Crowley drug Shotgun Man into the devil's trap. Turning with the momentum he twisted around until Shotgun Man collided into one of the Taser Twins. The man's grip on the gun faltered as he fell backward._

 _Unable to take the time to flip the gun and use it as it was intended to be used Crowley swung it like a bat at Taser Twin two's head. Before he could connect there was a sharp pain as something solid collided with the back of his head. Crowley dropped to the ground. Before blackness overtook him he heard a woman saying, "Was that so hard?"_

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
Present Day.  
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"So you're awake," a familiar voice stated.

Crowley ignored the voice.

"Eventually you will talk. The longer you hold out, the more fun we can have."

* * *

"You're the one with the bond, Sam. I'm trying but it'd be easier if you could at least tell me something."

"I told you, he's got the bond closed off right now."

"Didn't you say he does that when he's doing stuff in hell."

"Never for this long. I'm telling you, something's wrong."

"You're our best hope of finding him, Sam."

I can't. At least not right now. I told you that."

Sammy?"

"Huh?"

"Are you sure he wants to found? I mean-"

"You don't know him. Yes, Dean, I'm sure he wants to found."

Dean nodded. "As long as you're sure."

He would do what was needed but if Crowley ever hurt his brother again… Well, Crowley had been warned. Still, Dean couldn't shake the feeling that Sam was right, something was definitely wrong. Crowley leaving without a word to Sam for a second time? No, something wasn't right. Dean fumbled through his papers. Finding Crowley's sigel he inspected the ingredients for the summoning.

* * *

Crowley felt the spell trying to summon him. He tried his best to flow with the spell but the devil's trap he was stuck in prevented it. _Please,_ Crowley begged. _Please let it work._ It didn't of course and Crowley was stuck, staked to the ground with his new friends.

"Give us the information we want and the pain can stop."

"You think you can hurt me," Crowley ground out. "Think again."

"Honestly? I don't care if you talk," the woman answered. "I only care that you suffer."

Crowley double checked to make sure that the stakes still held fast. Still no give. He had to find a way out of this before Sam came looking for him. He doubted these people would take it well if Sam tried to free him.

* * *

Several loud bangs resounded from the the front door. Dean and Sam glanced at each other briefly before rushing to the door. Whoever it was, was still banging on the door as Sam opened it. Standing in front of him was shortish woman he had never seen before.

"Where is he," she demanded.

Sam frowned. "Who?"

The woman growled. "You know who I am talking about Samual Winchester."

Sam lowered his eyebrows and inspected the woman. The voice was vaguely familiar.

"Mara?"

"Where is he," she asked again, ignoring his question.

It would take too long to change the warding to allow her to enter and he needed answers now. Stepping past her he exited the bunker. First though, he had to make sure she really was Crowley's friend Mara.

"I'm not answering anything until you prove to me who you are."

The woman stared at him for a moment. "In the park, on the bridge, you saved my life after I threatened you."

"How?"

"I do not know. You bent Crowley's energy around us somehow. You still owe me an explaination for that, but it can wait. Where is he?"

"We don't know. I can't feel him right now, he's got the bond on lockdown."

"I told you this relationship was dangerous," she hissed.

"You can't feel him as… as a demon?"

"Usually I would be able to tell you in which direction he is. Wherever he is right now is warded so that I cannot feel him either."

Dean walked over, crossed his arms and waited.

"She's a friend of Crowley's," Sam answered.

"We do not do 'friendship'," she snarked.

"Fine," Sam replied. "She's one of Crowley's minions. Happy?"

Mara glared at him.

"Does she know where he is," Dean asked.

"She can't find him either."

"How does she know where the bunker is, Sam?"

"Um… Crowley might have asked her to watch over us to keep other demons from messing with us."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "And you weren't going to tell me we had a demon watching over us?"

"You two can argue later," Mara stated impatiently.

"She's right. We need to work on finding Crowley."

"She can't find him either?"

"No, and she should be able to at least feel him."

"Let me possess you," Mara ordered.

"What?"

"Let me possess you. You and he are bound to each other. Perhaps I can follow the bond where you cannot."

"You're not serious are you," Dean asked.

"Deadly."

"Why do you think you can find him with the bond if I can't?"

"He is the king. All demons are bound to him to a mild degree. It might help boost your bond with him enough to break whatever he is doing to block you."

"Hang on a second. If Crowley's going through so much trouble to block Sam maybe there's a reason." Dean turned to Sam. "The last time something happened to him you passed out for almost a day."

"Because he was being tortured by angels. If something like that is happening to him again we _need_ to find him."

"So we're just going to trust her?"

"You have a better idea," Sam asked.

"Better than letting a demon possess you? Yeah, pretty much any other idea is better."

"We've tried everything else, Dean."

"I don't like this," Dean growled.

"Believe me, I don't want to do this either. Crowley is possessive. There's a chance he might kill me for possessing you. He has killed other demons for less," Mara stated.

"If you can help me find him, I'll make sure he doesn't kill you," Sam told her.

"That's not much better. You can't torture someone when they're dead. Continued existence might be worse."

"If you help me find him I'll do everything I can to ensure nothing happens to you."

"What will happen to me if we do not find him will be worse than anything he could ever do to me."

Sam frowned and opened his mouth to ask her about that when she cut him off by speaking again.

"Yes or no, choose."

"Yes, but in a second. If this works then we need to be prepared."

* * *

"Vendetta," Crowley asked through gritted teeth.

The woman stopped dragging the knife down his skin and looked over to his face.

"What makes you say that," she asked.

"No one gets this much pleasure out of torture if it's not personal," Crowley managed to say, panting in pain.

The woman inspected him carefully. "Fair enough. You could say it's personal. I was hunting a witch that killed my family. You're demons abducted her out from under me before I could kill her."

"Plausible," Crowley panted. "Witches can be useful."

"The only use for a witch is target practice," the woman growled.

"Difference of opinion," Crowley replied.

"You didn't even kill her when you were done with her. No, you let her go afterwards. So yeah, you could say this is personal."

Before Crowley could respond there were a lot of loud noises just beyond the door. Both turned and stared at the door. As they watched, the thuds in the other room continued. Suddenly the door splintered into pieces. Sam strode through the door followed by Dean.

No, not Sam, Crowley realized. A demon was possessing Sam's body. Crowley howled in rage. He'd kill the demon. No. He wouldn't kill it. He would torture it for eternity for daring to possess _his_ Sam. He would make it _beg_ for eternal death and then _deny_ it.

The demon possessing Sam reached out an arm and the woman near Crowley suddenly went flying. The woman slammed into a wall and the demon held her there with it's powers. Walking over to him the demon stared down at him with it's black eyes. Demon eyes, instead of Sam's beautiful green eyes, inspected him. After some time the demon turned to Dean.

"Guard her," the demon growled in Sam's voice, pointing to the woman pinned against the wall.

Dean made his way over to the woman. As the demon withdrew it's powers the woman fell to the ground. The demon exited Sam and Sam's body collapsed. In it's smoke form the demon flew across the room and entered the woman's body. Without access to his powers he couldn't tell which demon it was that had possessed _his_ Sam. When he found out…

"Crowley," Sam whispered.

"We good," Dean asked.

"Yes," the demon answered.

Crowley _knew_ that voice. "Mara," he growled.

Sam sat up and inspected the spikes in Crowley's hand.

"You _dared_ to possess my Sam?"

"Hush," Sam ordered running a finger over the top of the spike pinning Crowley's right hand to the ground.

Mara walked over to the edge of the demon trap.

"Move," she ordered.

Sam pulled his hand back and moved away only a foot. Reaching out a hand she exerted her powers. Eventually the spike in his left foot rose. Crowley ignored the the pain as the spike grated against the bones in his foot. When it was out the spike in his right foot began to lift. He ignored the pain in that foot as well, continuing to glare at Mara.

"Wait," Sam stated after Crowley's feet were freed.

Dropping her arm Mara stared at Sam.

"Mine," Crowley growled to her.

"Of course I'm yours," Sam whispered.

Reaching out, Sam put his hands to either side of Crowley's face and turned it to face him.

"She helped me find you," Sam told him.

"She _possessed_ you."

"I gave her my word if she helped find you she would be safe."

"She _possessed_ you," Crowley repeated.

"So that I could find you. With the bond closed down I couldn't find you. Since she's bonded to you as her king we figured it might help boost the bond. It worked. I promised her I wouldn't let you hurt her if we found you."

"You're mine," Crowley growled.

"Of course I'm yours," Sam answered exasperated. "Promise me you won't hurt her."

"Fine. I'll kill her, then."

"No," Sam snapped. "I gave her permission to possess me."

Crowley glared at Sam. "You what?"

"I gave her permission."

Crowley closed his eyes.

"Crowley?"

Crowley shook his head.

"Free his hands," Sam ordered.

Crowley felt the spike in his left hand grate against the bones in his vessel's hand. He couldn't bring himself to care about the pain. Sam had let another demon to possess him and was now defending her. Normally it wouldn't be an issue but Sam was _his_. It was considered an act of aggression to mess with another demon's possession. While he didn't consider Sam a possession, Sam was his. If word got out about this he would have issues maintaining order if he didn't retaliate. As his left hand was finally freed he felt the spike in his right hand lifting. When the last spike was finally removed Crowley couldn't bring himself to move.

"Crowley?"

"I present myself for whatever punishment my king deems worthy," Mara stated from beside him.

Crowley shook his head without opening his eyes. He knew she was being serious and would readily accept anything he decided but it would hurt Sam. He wouldn't hurt Sam on purpose ever. No, he couldn't do anything to Mara.

"Look at me, please," Sam ordered softly.

Crowley finally opened his eyes and looked to Sam.

"I needed to find you. I couldn't do it on my own. That's all it was."

"It is an act of aggression to do anything to another demon's possession," Mara stated. "Possessing you was tantamount to me challenging his authority. It cannot go unanswered if he is to retain the respect of other demons."

Truth, Crowley thought. After all his work he felt hell slipping through his fingers. If he did anything to hurt Mara Sam would be upset.

"If there had been any other way I wouldn't have agreed to it," Sam whispered. "I needed to find you."

Crowley gave Sam a small smile but it faltered quickly.

"I know," he said finally.

Raising a hand he placed it against Sam's cheek. Sam reached up and took his hand in his own. Lowering it Sam inspected the hand. Finally he looked back to Crowley.

"Can you heal it?"

"Not in here," Crowley answered.

Sam inspected the devil's trap. Standing he scraped his boot across the lines until there was a gap. Reaching down he helped Crowley stand. Crowley winced when his weight settled on his injured feet. Sam eyed him but Crowley waved off Sam's concern. Limping and with an arm around Sam's shoulders they made their way out of the devil's trap.

"Now," Sam asked.

Crowley healed himself.

"Can you reopen the bond now?"

Crowley bit his lip. This close he wouldn't be able to keep any of his emotions hidden from Sam. Sam would be able to feel how angry he still was at Mara for possessing Sam. Reaching down he played with the edge of his tattered jacket instead of answering.

"Crowley?"

"I can't help it, Sam, I'm still angry at her. She possessed you and I can't retaliate without upsetting you."

"Sam," Mara stated. "He must do this if he is to retain control of hell. You asked me to protect him when you could not. This must happen or he will be endangered."

"Do you have to kill her?"

"No," Crowley whispered. "But if I don't it will be worse for her."

"I would appreciate if you didn't kill her," Sam stated quietly.

Crowley frowned, confused.

"I understand there are things you have to do stay safe. I won't stop you from doing whatever you need to do."

"You… won't be upset?"

"I won't be happy about it but I want you to be safe. I'd be more upset if you were killed."

Dropping his eyes to the ground Crowley reopened the bond. He had anticipated anger or at least disappointment. What he hadn't expected was the amount concern and love he felt coming from Sam. Crowley raised his head and found Sam's eyes. For a while all he could do was stare in amazement.

"I love you," Sam whispered.

"Alright, enough with the chick flick moments," Dean interrupted. "We good here?"

"One second," Sam replied. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep my word, Mara."

"I knew what would happen the second I possessed you. There was no way that challenge could go unanswered no matter what you said. I allowed you to believe your words so that you would agree to the possession. If I told you what would happen you might not have agreed and we needed to find him."

Sam nodded once.

"So we can go home now," Dean asked impatiently.

"How did you get here," Crowley asked.

"Mara brought us," Dean answered.

"I did not," Mara replied evenly. "When we realized where you were being held Samual brought us here before I could blink us."

"Can you take them back," Crowley asked her.

Mara nodded.

"You're not coming back," Sam asked.

"I will be there shortly. I have things I have to do first."

"You're going to kill them aren't you."

"I have to Sam," Crowley said. "They summoned me specifically. If I don't, then they'll be able to do it again."

"There's no other way?"

"No."

It was a half-lie, the only one he had ever told Sam so far. There was no other 'safe' way to deal with this. He could enter them and attempt to scrub their minds but there would be no telling if he managed to destroy that specific knowledge. He didn't dare risk it. It would be all too easy for them to summon him again.

"You return them home and I will do what needs doing," Mara stated.

Crowley eyed her for a moment.

"Where is your meat suit," he asked.

"Samual's brother placed it inside of the bunker. When I possessed Samual he was unable to re-enter the bunker."

"When we return I will wait fifteen minutes and carry it outside. You will repossess it and return to hell to await me. I will return when I am ready, you are to wait as long as it takes."

Mara nodded once.

Crowley turned to Dean. "I'd suggest you move over here if you wish to return with us."

Dean made his way over and Crowley grabbed both Dean and Sam's shoulders. He blinked them into the foyer of the bunker and released them. "Mara's vessel," he asked.

Dean pointed into the living room.

* * *

After Mara had collected her vessel Crowley made his way up to Sam's room. As he approached the door he hesitated. Sam had allowed himself to be possessed by a demon in order to find him. What if it hadn't been Mara? What if next time it was a different demon? A demon that hated him… or hated Sam…

Mara was right, this relationship was dangerous; for Sam. He gave serious thought to leaving Sam again to keep him safe. Shaking his head, he realize he would never do that. Not because Dean had threatened to kill him, but because he couldn't stand the thought of being without Sam. Sighing he finally opened the door.

Sam was lying on his bed and as the door opened his head shot up instantly. Their eyes met and Crowley smiled. No, there was no way he could leave Sam again. Entering the bedroom he shut the door quietly and made his way over to the bed. Without a word he laid down and scooted closer to Sam. When Sam put an arm over him Crowley finally relaxed.

"What do you need, Crowley?"

"You," Crowley replied. "Just you."

After a week with his captors all he could think about was cuddling with Sam. Becoming a demon was worse than anything his captors had done to him. Still, it didn't mean this last week had been pleasant. A little quiet time with Sam was exactly what he needed. After a few minutes Sam squeezed him slightly and released him.

"Come on, let's get you out of those clothes."

"As much as I would love to, I don't think I'm up to sex right now," Crowley replied smiling.

Sam smacked him on the shoulder. "That's not what I meant."

Crowley smiled again. "I know."

Sitting up he removed his tattered coat. Inspecting his ruined shirt he sighed heavily and shoved it off his shoulders. Finally he laid back down. He didn't have the energy to worry about his pants at the moment.

"Missed you," he told Sam.

"Missed you too," Sam replied, kissing the back of his neck. "How long can you stay?"

"Mmm forever."

"Crowley…"

Crowley shifted, snuggling closer to Sam. "Don't want to think about going back right now."

Sam nuzzled the back of his neck and gave it another light kiss.

* * *

Crowley blinked directly into the throne room. Mara stood before the throne staring out across the room with her hands clasped behind her back. Crowley walked past her and sat down in the throne. Mara followed him with her eyes and turned as he passed her. Sitting in his throne Crowley eyed her. Part of him really didn't want to do this but another part of him was still angry about her possessing his Sam.

"Kneel," he ordered.

Mara knelt and dropped her eyes to the floor.

"Demons, attend," Crowley called out.

All conversation in the room stopped suddenly. Cautiously the demons approached the throne forming a semicircle. Mara stood alone centered between the throne and the demons surrounding it. Crowley tapped his fingers on the arm of the throne.

"The demon Mara has meddled with one my possessions. This disrespect will not go unpunished. You demons are to bear witness to the punishment. None of you may leave until you are commanded to do so."

Standing Crowley glared at Mara. As angry as he was, he was loathed to proceed. Still, there was no way he could let this go if he was to maintain control of hell. Raising his hand Crowley snapped his fingers. Mara doubled over briefly before dropping to the ground in pain as the spell hit her. Her face contorted and her body jerked spasmodically. Occasionally a broken whine would issue from her.

The spell was one he had learned from watching his mother. It compress all of the pain a person had been through in a certain time span and forced them to relive it all in a matter of seconds over and over again. Crowley had chosen one week's worth of time from the torture pits. As the spell dragged on Crowley felt some part of himself twisting in pain with her.

Fighting not to show a reaction he waited, counting the seconds in his head. Knowing exactly how much time had passed, Crowley made a show of checking his watch. The on looking demons watched silently. Letting out a forced sigh for show he raised one hand, paused and finally snapped his fingers again. Mara stopped jerking and twitched slightly. Crowley pried his eyes away from her and straightened.

"Is there any demon here that wishes a personal demonstration," he stated evenly.

The demons turned to each other nervously. Mara twitched again and let out a small whimper. When no demon replied Crowley continued.

"The next person he lays a finger on one of my possessions will fare far worse," Crowley growled. "Dismissed!"

The demons scattered. Several ran into each other trying to flee. Crowley fought the urge to smite them. When the throne room was empty he dropped his eyes back to Mara. Doing his best to keep his dispassionate attitude in place in case anyone was still watching, Crowley yawned. Raising his right hand he snapped one more time and Mara disappeared from the throne room.

Sitting down in his throne room Crowley sighed heavily. He tried not to think of Mara as the day drug past. Not surprisingly there were relatively few petitioners. When he could finally leave the throne room without arousing suspicion he blinked himself to his rooms. Mara lay on the floor near his bed and Crowley frowned. He had definitely made sure she would have blinked onto the bed. She had to have rolled off of it.

Moving slowly he made his way over to her and knelt down. Reaching one arm down he stopped just short of touching her. Mara shivered and Crowley jerked his arm back. Staring at her Crowley desperately wished he knew what to do for Mara. Feeling compassion wasn't a demon trait and he had no clue how to proceed. Mara let out a whine and Crowley's heart broke even more. He couldn't do this. He couldn't stand watching the broken demon in front of him any more. Without a thought he blinked himself to Sam's room.

Sam's room was empty. Crowley tried to think but his mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of Mara. The most loyal demon he had and he'd broken her. For what? Pride? A title? Crowley moved over to the bed and sat down. The door to the room opened and Crowley's head shot up to look. Sam.

"Crowley?"

"I…" Crowley hesitated.

Sam crossed the room and wrapped his arms around him.

"What happened baby?"

"I broke her."

"Who?"

"Mara."

"What happened?"

Crowley couldn't answer. Sam released him and grabbed his shoulders. Hold his arms out straight Sam eyed Crowley intently. "What happened," he demanded.

"Spell," Crowley managed. "I… It…"

"Crowley," Sam growled.

Crowley swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"I cast a spell. It forced her to relieve some of her time in the torture pits. It hurts Sam. I don't know what to do," Crowley whispered.

"Where is she," Sam demanded.

"My rooms," Crowley answered quietly.

"In hell," Sam asked.

Crowley nodded.

The world around them shimmered and suddenly they were back in his rooms. Crowley instinctively searched for Mara. Mara had crawled to a corner of the room and was curled up against wall shivering slightly. Crowley's heart cracked even more as he watched her.

"I don't know what to do. Please help," Crowley begged.

Sam moved to the corner and dropped down to Mara's level.

"Mara? It's me, Sam. Can you hear me," Sam asked quietly.

Mara trembled harder.

"Shh. It's alright, Mara. You're safe now."

Mara's head shook back and forth violently.

"Shh," Sam soothed.

"Please," Mara whined.

"Shh. You're safe now. Safe Mara. Okay?"

Mara shook head back and forth again.

"Please don't," she whined.

"No one's going to hurt you anymore. I promise you."

Mara whimpered and, ducking her head, curled into a ball.

My fault, Crowley realized. I did this to her. I did this to the one demon above all others I could actually trust. Without understanding how it happened Crowley found himself sitting on the ground. He couldn't care less how he had ended up on the floor. He only cared that Sam would be able to undo the damage he had done. Please, Crowley begged mentally. Please let Sam be able to help her.

"Mara," Sam whispered. "I'm going to touch your arm now, okay?"

"No! Don't touch me," Mara yelled, trembling harder.

"Okay," Sam agreed calmly. "I won't touch you, alright? I won't do anything you don't want me to," Sam told her. "Understand? I will not do anything you're uncomfortable with, Mara. We can wait until you're more comfortable. For now we're just going to sit here, okay?"

Mara gave a small whine.

"Shh, Mara. You're safe here. No one will hurt you here. Promise. You're safe here."

What have I done, Crowley wondered. I destroyed the one demon who I could trust implicitly. Who trusted _me_ implicitly. She helped me get back to Sam and I broke her. Crowley wrapped his arms around himself as his vision blurred.

"Mara," Sam whispered. "Can you please say something? Please?"

Mara shook her head and didn't speak.

"Okay, that's fine too. I won't push you if you're not ready. No one here will push you to do anything. You're safe here Mara. Can you nod if you understand that?"

Crowley looked up and watched Mara hopefully. Mara seemed to still slightly. After a few seconds she shook her head again and burst into tears. Crowley felt as if his heart was physically breaking. It had been centuries since he had heard her cry. The last time had been when she was punished for interfering with _him_ being tortured.

"Mara," Crowley whispered tentatively.

Mara shook harder the second she heard his voice.

"I'm sorry," Crowley whispered dropping his head. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have hurt you. You never deserved it."

"Crowley," Sam whispered.

Crowley looked to Sam.

"Keep talking," Sam whispered, eyeing him.

Crowley frowned.

"Mara," he asked quietly.

When there was no response he turned back to Sam. Sam nodded for him to continue.

"I'm sorry," Crowley whispered. "You never deserved that."

Was it his imagination or was Mara calming?

"Mara," Sam whispered. "You're safe here. No one will hurt you here, okay?"

No response.

"Is it alright if I touch your arm now?"

Mara jolted at the suggestion.

"It's okay. If you're not ready that's fine."

"No," she whispered.

"Then I won't," Sam assured her. "I promise you no one here is going to hurt you."

"He promised too," Mara whispered almost inaudibly.

Crowley flinched.

"What I…," Crowley trailed off the words catching before he could speak them. Crowley cleared his throat before trying again. "What I did was wrong," he managed to say. "I'm sorry."

"Promised," Mara whimpered.

Sam turned to him. Unable to answer if he had to look into those eyes Crowley dropped his head. "I promised I would look out for her and never let anyone hurt her unnecessarily when we escaped the torture pits together," Crowley whispered staring at the floor.

"Hurts."

Crowley couldn't respond.

"Where does it hurt," Sam asked.

Mara was silent.

"Everywhere," Crowley answered quietly for her.

"You're doing fine, Mara. Mara? I might be able to help a little if you can trust me. Can you do that? Trust me just for a few seconds, please."

Silence. Crowley held his breath.

"Kill me," Mara begged softly.

Crowley couldn't take it. The was too much pain in her voice. Pain he had caused. He stood and stumbled into the living room closing the door behind himself. Continuing to stumble forward he found the nearest chair and fell down into it.

* * *

Sam watched Crowley leave. God damn it, Crowley! She needs you here too, Sam thought angrily. She's bonded to you, not me! When Crowley shut the door Mara jumped at the noise. Turning back Sam tried to comfort her.

"Shh... You're going to be fine. I can help you if you trust me just a little. Please?"

"I…"

"Yes or no? I'm not going to do anything you don't want. You get to decide this. No one is going to do anything without your say so."

It was hard to remember this woman was the same strong willed demon that had risked her life threatening him. Damn it, Crowley, what did you do? With a sickening thought Sam realized this was partly his fault. He had told Crowley to do whatever he had to do and not to kill her. Part of the blame for this was on him.

"Yes," Mara whispered. "Please? Make it stop?"

"I'll try my best," he told her.

Moving slowly he raised one hand.

"I'm going to touch your arm now, Mara. Okay?"

Sam waited until he finally saw the small nod before touching her. She still flinched.

"Shh," Sam whispered. "That's all I need right there. No more touching besides this," he assured her.

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes.

* * *

Crowley sat in the chair with his legs pulled up and his arms around them. He was rocking back and forth slightly as he ran through every memory he ever had of Mara. He remembered the various suicide missions he had sent her off on, only to have her return. He remembered how happy he had been to see her again after those missions even though he had never told her. He remembered her smile.

She had arrived in the pits at almost the same time he had arrived. She was slightly younger than him and he didn't want to see her hurt. He had tried to protect her once and had his skin flayed off inch by inch. He vowed never to try to help another person again; not even her. That was before she had attacked the demon torturing him. Crowley had been ordered to torture her as punishment but had refused. He couldn't do it then. No, it had taken her risking her life to rescue him to get him to do _that_ , he thought bitterly. A hand gripped his shoulder and Crowley jumped trying to jerk away.

"Crowley," Sam said sternly.

Crowley breathed a sigh of relief and stopped struggling.

"Mara," he asked without looking up at Sam.

"She needed you in there too."

"I hurt her."

"She's bonded to you, not me. You're her king."

Crowley let out a derisive laugh. "King? And what good is the title if you do _that_ to your subjects?"

Grabbing him roughly by the shoulders Sam pulled him out of the chair forcing him to stand.

"You're _still_ her king. She _needed_ you. She _still_ needs you.

"She doesn't need someone who-"

Sam shook him roughly. "Yes, Crowley. You weren't watching. You didn't see how she calmed down when you spoke to her. When you apologized. You're voice was helping her and _you left_."

Crowley shoved Sam's arms off of him. "So I let her down? So what? After everything else, _that's_ nothing!"

"You let me down," Sam yelled back. "You came to me asking for help. Then when you can actually do something to help, something as simple as talking, you leave?"

"She flinched when I spoke!"

"At first, because she was scared. Damn it Crowley, what you did to her…"

"I know what I did to her," Crowley said quietly.

"Do you," an angry voice asked from the doorway.

Crowley instantly turned to the bedroom door. Mara stood in the open doorway glaring at him. Without another word she lashed out at him with her powers.

"No," Sam shouted raising his hands as if to block something physical.

Crowley felt Mara's powers slide past him as if over an invisible force field. Crowley blinked in shock. Mara flung another burst of energy at him. Sam reached up and blocked it as well. Mara yelled in frustration. Reaching out with her powers again she destroyed a lamp. Glass flew in all directions as the lamp shattered.

"I am not letting either of you hurt either of you," Sam stated calmly.

"Sam," Crowley said quietly.

"No, Crowley. I'm done with people hurting people for right now." He turned to Mara. "You want to be mad? Fine. You _should_ be mad. I'm still not going to let you hurt him."

For a while Mara glared at Sam. After a while Crowley noticed her lip trembling slightly.

"Can you leave," he asked Sam.

Mara froze and stared at him terrified.

"I didn't…" Crowley shook his head. "I only wished to offer myself unto you for retribution. Sam may stay. If you are more comfortable with him... I can find other arrangements."

"Crowley," Sam growled.

"And what would you have me do? Stay here where I make her uncomfortable?"

"Don't," Mara whispered. "Don't fight. You need each other."

"You need your king too," Sam told her.

Mara's lip trembled again. Finally she nodded slightly. Crowley's mouth parted open at the admission. She still wished to be near him?

"Please," she whispered.

"Anything," he told her honestly.

"Stay?"

"If you wish it."

She nodded and somehow Crowley felt his heart breaking even more. She had every right to hate him right now. He was willing to offer himself up for her to hurt or leave or whatever would make her feel better, and she still wanted him to stay?

"Promise me," Sam said. "Both of you promise me, neither one is going to hurt the other."

Crowley nodded his head, too stunned to speak.

"Mara," Sam questioned.

"Stay," she asked.

"You want me to stay," Sam asked.

"I feel…"

"Safe," Crowley offered.

Mara nodded.

Crowley waited for Sam's answer, unwilling to press him.

"Crowley?"

"I also would like it if you stayed," he whispered.

"Then I'll stay."

* * *

Crowley sat on the floor, stiff backed and cross legged, alternating his gaze occasionally between Sam and Mara. Currently he was watching Sam sleeping in the chair occupying the corner of the room. He hadn't expected Sam to agree to stay. Actually, the longer Sam was here the more dangerous it was. A demon might sense his presence and then they would have a whole new set of problems on their hands.

There was one thing he could do, Crowley mused. He could officially claim Sam as his consort. It would offer Sam a certain degree of protection, however it would also open him up to any number of other dangers. Any demon wishing to get to him would also see Sam as a valid target. That was one of the many reasons he hadn't done so yet. The main reason he had yet to officially claim Sam was because he couldn't bring himself to think of Sam as a consort. Sam was his equal, at least, or more.

More, Crowley decided, definitely more. With the title of consort came a certain degree of disdain from other demons. Crowley didn't want anyone thinking less of Sam. Sam deserved better. Not for the first time Crowley wondered what it was Sam could ever see in him. He was weak and hurt everyone who cared for him. Sam deserved someone so much more worthy of the love he had to give.

Mara let out a small whine and Crowley turned back to watch her. Both he and Sam had insisted she take the bed. Mara had tried to refuse but he finally ordered her compliance. Crowley felt guilty issuing her an order after what he had done to her. Who was he that she should listen to him? When Sam had placed a hand softly on her arm and quietly asked her to take the bed she finally conceded nervously.

Sam had mistaken the nerves. Crowley however, understood why she was anxious.

 _"You and only you will occupy the bed tonight," he told her quietly._

 _Mara's head jerked up to meet his eyes uncertainly._

 _"Neither of us will join you," he assured her._

 _"Crowley," Sam asked questioningly._

 _Crowley ignored the question for the moment, still holding Mara's gaze._

 _"I will not disobey if you…"_

 _"You do not want it."_

 _Mara dropped her eyes. "No," she whispered._

 _"Take the bed. You and you alone shall occupy it tonight."_

 _Mara nodded. Crowley felt sick as his eyes slid closed. Never had he once taken Mara to bed. He respected her too much for that. The fact that she would think he might order it now caused his stomach to turn._

 _"Where will you sleep," Mara asked._

 _Glancing up he noticed she was eyeing Sam._

 _"I'll take the chair in the far corner," Sam told her. "I've slept in worse chairs," he said with a small smile._

 _Crowley's eyes slid closed again as he remembered the chair Sam had spent days in, watching him after he had been injured. Moving he sat down on the floor several feet away from the bed, between it and the door. "I will remain here," he told her._

 _"You can take the chair if you want it," Sam offered._

 _Crowley shook his head. "You require sleep. I do not. Take the chair and be comfortable. I will keep watch."_

 _"I thought you said your rooms are warded?"_

 _"Ever since I blinked back to find the demon that betrayed me in here these rooms have been warded. However, those are not the demons I am worried about." Crowley eyed Sam meaningfully. Sam seemed to understand what he meant and moved to the chair._

 _"Sleep," Crowley ordered. "I will remain here."_

Inspecting her Crowley frowned when Mara tossed onto her side and let out another soft whine. Technically demons didn't require sleep. Sometimes, however, sleep helped heal certain things faster. More often than not most demons eschewed sleep. Probably because of the nightmares that often went hand in hand with sleep.

Mara tossed again and was facing him. The pained expression on her face hurt and Crowley found himself scooting forward. Reaching up he raised a hand and placed it gently on her upper arm. Running his fingers lightly down her arm he tried to soothe her.

"Shh… You're safe now." He paused and watched her before continuing. "I'm sorry," he told her. "I was wrong to punish you. Thank you… For everything."

Feeling eyes on him Crowley turned sideways. Sam was watching him quietly. Crowley turned back to Mara and remembered everything she had done for him; every time she had placed herself in danger to protect him. He understood her loyalty and had used it, but had never appreciated it until now. Without her he would never have survived this long.

"I'm sorry," he whispered once more.

Mara seemed to calm. Crowley heard the soft sound of Sam standing. He didn't hear Sam cross the room but the thick carpet would have muffled the sound. Therefore, when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder, Crowley didn't jump. When he realized Sam was awake he had expected Sam to make his way over. Without a word Sam sat down, slipped an arm around Crowley's waist and leaned his head down onto Crowley's shoulder.

Crowley leaned his head sideways and rested it against Sam's head.

"I wish I could take it back," Crowley whispered.

"Shh."

Sam's perpetual love and acceptance was comforting.

"I was so worried about my position I didn't think to worry about those I loved."

"She loves you too," Sam whispered.

"Differently than you but no less. I know," Crowley whispered back.

Sam rubbed a finger down Crowley's arm without releasing him.

"How do I apologize for something like that?"

"You just do, she'll either forgive you or not."

"I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"That's not how it works, and you know that."

Crowley nodded. Indeed, he did know. He wasn't sure he was willing to accept the unconditional love from either of them, but he _knew_ for a fact they did love him. Crowley yawned and allowed himself to close his eyes as he rested his head against Sam's head. No amount of worrying about it was going to change anything. He would just have to deal with the consequences of his actions when the time came. Sometime later, still resting one hand against Mara's arm and his head against Sam's head, Crowley fell asleep.


End file.
